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The Top 10 Naked People in the Bible

The Top 10 Naked People in the Bible

I stumbled upon a new blog (by a Christian) and among the few entries I read was a piece on Halloween vs. Christian objections. The hypocrisy of churches holding a substitute “Harvest Party” with the same pumpkin carving, and bobbing for apples, and getting candy and wearing costumes, etc. was mentioned. Then someone mentioned that quite often such churches impose a rule that the only costumes allowed are Biblical characters.

So my naughty mind started thinking of unexpected costumes. Naked came to mind! I went back to Google who was that older guy who was naked in the Old Testament (Noah, as I found out.).

From this search, I discovered another wonderful find on YouTube. Dr. Bill Creasy !  He has a series of thought provoking YouTubes teaching some of the oddest topics, like Herod and the worms.  He's not being disrespectful at all, and he's using the quirky bits to tempt us to deeper Bible study, or to get uninterested people to read that Bible after all.  And in that spirit, I present his link here:

The Top 10 Naked People in the Bible – by Dr. Bill Creasy 

I suggest you watch the YouTube, as his explanations are quite fun. But if that YouTube goes away, then his Bible references are below.

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Back to my naughty mind:  
What to wear to that church “Harvest Party” that substitutes for Halloween, if they impose that rule that only Biblical characters are allowed as costumes.  Perfect for the Mom who can't sew!  Or for people who don't own a bathrobe, sandals, and a towel held on with a sweatband on your head.  Besides, who owns a shepherd's crook these days?

Adam and Eve, (If you bring an apple, make sure there are no bites out of it.)

Noah -  Genesis 9:21-22 (Bring the tent for more realism. Hey, it's a bit of trouble to set up, but far easier than his Ark and Animals phase.)

Joseph – at age 17 Gen 39:6-7, 12

David – 2 Samuel 6:14, 20

Bathsheba – 2 Samuel 11:2 (Great for couples. She can even reuse that old bathtub/shower costume from last year. For David, the voyeur, bring binoculars.)

Isaiah 20:1-5 – Isaiah himself, or add a crown and go as Sargon king of Assyria, or for a great frat party, a whole group of Egyptian captives and Cushite exiles”

Paul - 2 Cor 11:27

John 8:3-4 – all the women caught in adultery (That should improve the frat party !)

Mark – 14:51-52

Jesus – John 19:23-24 (Maybe you ought to just skip this one for the party.)

What's the difference between a bowl of clam chowder and a kettledrum, you ask?

Well, it's not the sound, as you might think. I have discovered an easy, hands-free way to make a bowl of chowder sound just like a kettledrum. I can't recommend it to the Boston Symphony Orchestra, though.

~ ~ ~

EWwww - Well, today just went down the tubes. I put a bowl of clam chowder in the microwave.
Ba BOOM ! Boom b boom !  Yes, that many.  Odd, I'd never heard that many before, and in that rhythm.  Not everyone has had the benefit of a Bachelor's degree in music, so as to analyze the tempo, rhythm, pitch, volume, and timbre of their exploding lunch.  And that's a real shame.  Gives you something to mull over during the icky cleanup.
My son and I recently had the scientific discussion over how to remember which were stalactites and which were stalagmites in a cave.  An easy way to remember is that the 'Tites are up Top, while mites are little bugs that crawl on the ground, in search of homes in the ears of kittens.  (If you think I have digressed totally from the clam chowder subject, then you're someone who always covers his food in the microwave.)  So once I was done analyzing just how chowder could be used as a musical instrument, I still had plenty of cleanup time to feel superior about knowing 'Tites vs. 'Mites.
(As for the C vs. G part – Try this mnemonic: the C in stalactite stands for ceiling; the G in stalagmite stands for ground.)


To make matters worse, I don't have a garbage disposal in my sink for goopy solids, so there were several gloppy marches to the bathroom, where I keep the other “Food Disposal Unit”.
This is rather inconvenient, and I have considered relocating the FDU to the kitchen, despite what Martha Stewart might say.  And relocating the toidy to the kitchen is not just for cooking mishaps.  It's not a bad idea for families who eat a lot of chili, if you get my point.

So the next time the Boston Pops wants to play the 1812 Overture,
with its thrilling cannon imitations at the end, but the tympanist just broke through the skin of his last kettledrum, I suggest having on hand a couple of microwaves, and a few bowls of yummy New England Clam Chowder.  You'd think they would have taught us that in Music College ...after all, it was in Massachusetts.  I wonder what acoustical effect one could get with Boston Baked Beans?  

You try it, and report back to us.  I still have some mighty tight 'mites to scrape up.


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In case you weren't lucky enough to grow up in Massachusetts, hearing the Boston Pops playing the 1812 Overture every Fourth of July, with fireworks in the background, here's a little clip of the music. The whole piece is around 15 minutes (which is why I think fireworks are necessary), but this clip is just the very end, the most dramatic part.  I only wish my chowder's explosion was as SMALL as the one from the Battleship. Sigh....


It's not the 1812 Overture, and nothing to do with chowder (thankfully), but here's a really hilarious clip of Shaq trying to conduct the Boston Pops.


And in case you have no idea who even fought in the War of 1812, here's the Wiki - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_1812 (Notice, the “Star Spangled Banner” was from 1814.)

If marijuana is so great,

If marijuana is so great,

and doesn't adversely effect major decision making, then why do they call it Grass, when it's Leaves?
How stoned do you have to be to get that so wrong?

It's not even the confusing distinction between bush and bushy plant. Or a lilac “bush” that's woody and tall like some 15' trees.

And stoned - uh... where are the rocks?  Since when is "stoned" a good thing?  How did they get that term to morph into sitting on your couch all day, jobless, smoking a plant, rather than the Biblical version of getting stoned that is SO not as "fun"?

And "smoking pot".  What's with that?  Where's the pot? Because, just ask my kids, the phrase "smoking pot" in MY house meant we're resorting to peanut butter for dinner.  Again.  After we bash the alarm with a broom handle.

And can you use a pan if all the pots are dirty?  Because I'm no better at that than I am at cooking.

It's not grass, there are no rocks, and no kitchen items either.  Maybe some brownie pans....

Worst Apology in History - for gay jokes


A good friend of mine posted that link, with the comment, "Touching! What an incredible, heart-felt, and reflective apology. Most would have blown it off...BUT he really thought about it, discussed it and analyzed it...Nice going, Jason!"

I heartily disagree! I know an apology when I read one, and this is NOT an apology, just excuses. And definitely analyze his last paragraph !

I'd like it verified that he even wrote that himself, by himself, and didn't have someone compose it for him. And I have doubts that he really feels remorse, more than it's a case of trying to get out of trouble with the public, and with Hollywood. This is why: He touts out his musical theatre/dance background and claims he was jeered at and "with violence or the threat of violence." He is also a short man, portly, and quite balding. None of those three are thought of well for men in our society, although there is no Pride Month for short, bald guys. But still I wonder, what's wrong with this guy's CHARACTER? You claim you were picked on for A,B and C, and yet you bash people in the very same way as soon as you get to the top, as an adult, a rich, famous adult, with all the power that comes with that. Adversity is supposed to Build Character. Usually someone who was bullied does not become a bully, but either stays shy/frightened/mousy, or becomes an advocate against bullying. They don't become someone who Bullies others. Not unless there's something wrong with their CHARACTER - deep down.

I was severely bullied and ostracized every day of my childhood until I got to high school and made my first friend. Now that I am finally an adult, and get to choose my friends, my job, and where i hang out, do I go around making fun of other people? Heck no! (Not unless they just slipped on the ice, haha.) No! I go out of my way to SEEK OUT in any group, any person likely to receive derision, or be left out of things, and I taught my kids to act like this, too. My kids go out of their way to approach "the new kid" in their class and ask him over to play. They (and I) pointedly make it a priority to offer welcome and friendship to someone with a disability, to the fat person, to the not very pretty girl, to the scrawny guy. What's the payback for my kids? (Not that they do it for the payback, but it's a reward anyway.) These people on the fringe of acceptance usually always have better CHARACTER than the exalted football quarterback - the god of the school.

Power corrupts. Think of the movies about Mean Girls. And adversity is supposed to breed Character. So if this Jason is trying to use his theater background to soften up people's reaction to his cruel humor, then I don't buy it. If that's his purpose, then I say HE DIDN'T GET BULLIED ENOUGH. Not enough to breed Character.

I also call bullpuckey on his excuse that comedy always makes fun of someone. And he said "always". He said, "I do know that humor always points to the peccadillos or absurdities or glaring generalities of some kind of group or another – short, fat, bald, blonde, ethnic, smart, dumb, rich, poor, etc. It is hard to tell any kind of joke that couldn’t be seen as offensive to someone. " That's crap, and HE KNOWS IT ! He's trying to get out of trouble by intentionally lying. Here's why I say so. He's the same age as we are. And in Hollywood. Is he trying to imply he's never ever heard or watched the comedy of the great BILL COSBY? In Cosby's spiel on going to the dentist - who did he ostracize, what group of people did he make fun of or bully? Not even the Dentist, really. He never gave the impression that dentistry was anything other than honorable. No, Cosby finds a situation that is common to every human, rich/poor, tall/short, bald men/bearded women, black/white, fat/skinny, and every flavor of sexuality including love of chickens. And Cosby pulls out what's UNIVERSALLY funny about the SITUATION, not what's funny AGAINST PEOPLE.

And Jason grew up in this same era, same America, as I did. It's impossible that he got to a whopping 50 years old-ish without ever hearing Cosby, or others like him.

It's impossible that Jason has never seen someone slip on the ice, or trip. It's impossible that he's never seen anyone walking around with TP trailing from his/her shoe, or had food spilled on their shirt/tie. So I call Bullpuckey on his assertion that comedy ALWAYS pokes fun at people in fringe groups - or groups at all. There is plenty of funny things about common life ! And he knows it.

And he's also trying to snow you with that "Ignorance Card" over claiming that he just didn't get it. Ignorance simply means "without knowledge". It's built into the word - without Gnosis. It's a word that's grossly misused today instead of "sinful, rude, prejudiced, biggotted." Call a spade a spade. And Jason claims "I am profoundly aware of the challenges these friends of mine face", and that he was bullied for a hobby other than football quarterback himself. Back in our day, he was probably called a faggot, or fag. How then, do you expect me to believe he was "without knowledge"? And short, pudgy, and bald as a man, to boot? Even the character he played for years on TV was made fun of, or was suffering from feeling unworthy, unacceptable - both by men and women (for a boyfriend) because of these physical attributes. And yet he wants a free pass excuse of "without knowledge"? He's just trying to pass the blame to, "I just didn't get it." Horseshit. Own up to it !

Reread his letter. Almost all of it is his EXCUSES, that he is INNOCENT because of Ignorance, and only at the very end does he really attempt to actually APOLOGIZE. Actually, he doesn't really ever say he was WRONG, or sinful, or hurtful. No, he claims his comedy bit was "well-intentioned". That's starkly IMPOSSIBLE. He KNEW that this routine was not just against the odd-looking uniforms of cricket players, nor the goofy looking approach a player makes when throwing the ball. He PURPOSEFULLY, and with FORETHOUGHT, CHOSE to do this practiced routine on TV, knowing that he was lumping in the goofiness of cricket with what type of sexual relations one chooses to engage in. And I say, "purposefully and with forethought", because I didn't miss the part where he said that he did this routine years ago, and it's starkly implied that he did it several times in his words "I was hosting comics in a touring show in Australia". A touring show is multiple appearances, hence he bashed gays by equating their sexual preferences with cricket behavior multiple times. He also said "years ago", so he's had years to think that over, years to grow up and mature. Ignorant - meaning innocently without knowledge? Bullcrap !

Let's look at his summation, his last paragraph, where he finally uses the word "apologize". Almost the entire paragraph is still him protesting he is innocent of blame or has an excuse, and worse !
"So, I can only apologize and I do. In comedy, timing is everything. And when a group of people are still fighting so hard for understanding, acceptance, dignity and essential rights – the time for some kinds of laughs has not yet come. I hope my realization brings some comfort."

No, Jason. Timing of a joke, as in "don't rush its delivery" is NOT the same as deciding when is the appropriate TIME TO BASH gay people ! He flat out says that "the time for some kinds of laughs has not yet come". Which kinds of laughs is he referring to? Laughs against Gay people, since that's the context here !! He didn't say the time to Gaybash was OVER. Nor did he say that there never was an appropriate time to commit that sin. No, he leaves open the idea that there is still coming an appropriate time to bash gay people.

That is no apology, and I don't accept it !!!


Lastly, don't write off what I have said above because of your preconceived notions about homosexuality, or where you think I stand on the issue.  Don't think I got all that angry because I'm gay.  Because I'm not.  I can't even be qualified as a gay advocate.  And I wish all people would just keep what they do with their private parts in their private time - PRIVATE.  Same rule for heterosexuals.  That's why bedrooms have doors.   I think it's bad manners to discuss all such things at the table at a public restaurant. 

That being said, whole rant is not even about homosexuality at all !  Jason Alexander committed three sins. 

1. He bashed a group of people who happen to like sexual relations in a way different from him. That part was anti-gay.

2. He sinned against ALL people by making fun of ANY GROUP of people who are different.  This is the same sin as if he had picked black people, or Christians, or Wiccans, or Iraqis, or Jews, or mentally handicapped people.  Targeting your "comedy" AT a group of people is divisive, and SINFUL.  Pointing out that you think the tradition uniform for cricket players looks silly is NOT.

3. And his third sin was his non-apology - that he is lying that he is sorry.  It was just a planned out writing, not off the cuff remark - full of excuses as to why he shouldn't be blamed as a gay-basher.  And he still maintains that making fun of groups of people is perfectly fine. 

Dear Jason, you said "the time for some kinds of laughs has not yet come. Dude, the time for bashing groups of humans never was !

The Danger of Lazy Spellers

The Danger of Lazy Spellers

First of all, don't you dare call me a Grammar Nazi.  I am an American.  You may call me a proud Grammerican if you like, but that would perpetuate the misspelling of "grammer", for those of you who even bother to read all the way through long words.

(This post is tongue in cheek, or "tong inn chic" for sum of yew.)

As I see it, the result of so many native English speakers lazily impersonating ESL students online is that more of you will have your bank accounts emptied and your identities stolen.  Only the poor spellers, though.  And not because the Word Nerds are smarter than you are, but simply because we will be too disgusted by the spelling and grammar of the following type of messages to even think of helping out those poor souls.  Our very snobbery will save us !  As things worsen, spelling-wise, perhaps more of you folks won't be able to tell the scams from regular emails from your own relatives !!  

I got another one of those ridiculous emails:  


dear friend,
I am working with one of the prime bank here in Burkina Faso, can you help me repatriate the sun of 14.3million dollars to your oversea account based on percentage.
(1) Can you handle this project?
(2) Can I give you this trust?
(3) What will be your commission?
I expect your urgent response if you can handle this project.
Best Regard's,
Please kindly  reply to my alternative email  address below



Hell no, I'm not going to help you repatriate the sun !

I originally posted this on FB last Fall, for Veteran's Day.  So you'll notice some people's comments in the middle.  Yeah, it's long, but it's important and it should really open your mind, and spur you on to being better patriots, and better people.  Put aside your stupid hot dog and potato salad and read what your three-day weekend is really about !

Memorial Day vs Veterans Day – a Rant, and a Challenge to You Civilians

Glynis Sylvia With great thanks and respect to all presently serving Soldiers, and Veterans...I would like to remind everyone that Memorial Day is to honor Soldiers who DIED IN BATTLE or as a result of WOUNDS from BATTLE. Before you flame me, think for a moment. These heroes gave EVERYTHING, and their loved ones could NEVER hold them again. No one else has given so much.

Veterans Day is to thank and honor heroes who have served our country, but survived battles and other important positions in the military. Again, before you flame me...I DO understand that some Veterans were never able to overcome and their lives remained ruined. In this way, they have given the rest of their life's potential in service to us. However, they do have SOME moments of pleasure. Dead Soldiers have none. I also don't mean at all to diminish the sacrifices of our Veterans, nor our presently serving Soldiers and their families. But...ask each Soldier, and ask each family member into which group would they like to be - presently serving, living but impaired, finished serving, or DEAD. Do not diminish those who gave the ULTIMATE Sacrifice. Today is THEIR holiday.

Glynis Sylvia Getting off my soapbox now, and missing my DADDY - World War II vet, and who was probably in the "living but impaired group".

Thanks, T. I do hope folks will be able to see both my utmost respect for all groups of Soldiers, but would remember to give fallen Soldiers their ultimate due, since they gave ME their ultimate sacrifice.

Glynis Sylvia Just one more post...Regarding living Soldiers - Do you thank each and every one you meet, each and every time, even if you are "in a hurry, etc."? I DO ! Even when I got in trouble (abused and/or greatly chastised by the husband - now ex). Next month, and the next, shake a hand SINCERELY, place a grateful hand on an arm or shoulder. Even if the younger Soldiers act embarrassed - underneath that, they will hear you.

C posted: Thinking about the vets who have died for USA, and friends I have lost, and glad that I knew them.

Glynis Sylvia THANK you for mentioning the Soldiers who DIED for us. They gave the ULTIMATE sacrifice.

I don't mean at all to diminish other Soldiers, but there SHOULD be a day JUST for the ones who gave ALL.

The wishing "Happy Memorial Day" should be struck from our culture. I should be replaced and raised to the term "GRATEFUL Memorial Day" !

Anyone about to say that the "happy" part is that they are happy for their freedom...is thinking of himself and not for the Heroes and their heroic Families !

D posted: Perhaps it's time that the states made a unified holiday to honour all war heroes, Dead or Alive.... Here in Canada we have 1 day, November 11th which we call Remembrance Day (your Veteran's Day).....

Glynis Sylvia

I respectfully disagree. There should be a holiday to give the utmost thanks to/for those Soldiers who gave EVERYTHING, absolutely everything. Those who died IN the battle, never got to see their loved ones again, even to say goodbye. Those who died soon after, from wounds, may also never have survived long enough to say goodbye. The families ... these 2 groups of Heroes also gave MUCH MORE than the the families of any other group of Soldiers, including Soldier Heroes whose lives were never restored to health again.

Glynis Sylvia at 3:47pm May 25

Previously serving Heroes (Veterans) have their OWN Day. Today is not their day. To prove this, ASK them to which group they would prefer to be - dead and never seeing the smile of their loved ones, or Veterans.

What really FRIES me, is that there doesn't seem to be a holiday or official recognition for our presently serving Heroes. Memorial Day is not their day. Veteran's day is not their day either. But there SHOULD be a day for them, too.


To Poster: Thanks for the support.

You never know what type of hornets' nest you are stirring up when you try to publicly stimulate thought or change thinking. I'm sure many may think, "Who the heck is SHE anyway and what gives her the right to post this/ chastise me, etc.?" I'm quite aware of this and humbled even more by it.

I loved my dear Dad (WWII Vet) very much, but I still had this philosophy back when I lived with him. He should get our gratitude forever on HIS holiday, but the fallen Soldiers should not be diminished by lumping them into a group with those who got to see flowers and hear birds (maybe not them - they get up way too early and refuse to learn a new song phrase), and be held by loved ones for years after their service.

Thought just occurred to my teeny brain... (I mean this thought, not just thought itself - well, somedays)... We always talk about thanking Soldiers for OUR freedoms, our American freedoms. Here we are, thinking only of ourselves again.

Isn't this the flawed, selfish thinking that led to the rotten treatment heaped upon Viet Nam Vets back then? Because some of us didn't agree with the purpose of that war and thought we should mind our own business, our Heroes got spat upon (figuratively, perhaps even literally).

Over time, our Soldiers have had to fight for the rights and freedoms of others in our world. Should this be their job we ask?

As a nation, perhaps not, as a single person, definitely yes. Again, as a nation, definitely yes. Each adult is morally responsible to help anyone suffering. Anywhere. And as the (presently) most powerful country on earth, we are collectively morally responsible to help elsewhere. (Stinks, I know. Stinks financially for everyone here. Stinks more for those who had to fight for others, particularly if they didn’t like them/their philosophies/religion, etc. Stinks most for the families of those who died for others they disliked or hated.

What I’m also saying is this: We always talk about preserving OUR freedom. What are the Odds of the following...? I understand that the USA may not always be the most powerful country on earth. But just think about what it would take to REALLY have OUR freedoms at risk. They are barely at risk. We are very lucky to possess all the land from east to west on our continent. Our Canadian neighbors are friendly and have been so for a couple of hundred years. If they did try to overthrow us, or begin to ally with others to do so, we’d notice and stomp. Our southern neighbors would need to ally together for strength – too many small countries – and again, if they did so, or partnered with other nations to overthrow us, we’d notice and stomp.

This leaves water and air vulnerability. Again, any force would be noticed. Any gathering of countries to ally together to take us over would be NOTICED by us. It would take a mammoth collective force and/or a protracted campaign to weaken our most powerful country (of Heroes) in order for them to win. I thank GOD first for the blessing to live here and for His blessings to the USA for allowing us to rise and hold this position on earth. Immediately after, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the past military Heroes who got us to this enviable position.

Our present military Heroes are yes… maintaining and protecting these freedoms, but for decades have been even busier fighting and dying to grapple similar rights and freedoms for the residents of our smaller, weaker nations.

What Viet Nam Vets went through upon returning to our expected welcoming shores and arms was lastingly DEPLORABLE. Other Vets have also gotten the shaft from us, in the past and now. We are so selfish as a nation – NO!… That passes the blame and buck on to a comfortable collective! No, we are so selfish, each one of us, each one who believes we should only fight for ourselves, on our shores, or for our, our, our, me, me, me….. and for no one else – to heck with them, eh? Maybe I can’t drive the Christianity out of my thinking here, and its morals. Isn’t there a moral responsibility to our other Earth residents even without religion?

(Note: Just because I am writing this, do not think that I am past, above, or unaware that I am firmly in that selfish group. I am. Do I even know in what years the Viet Nam War was? Do I even know the names of half the starving, or suffering, or oppressed countries at present? I am guilty of thinking only of myself and our USA selves collectively – by virtue of my LAZINESS and APATHY to even bother to have learned these things.)

We shouldn’t just thank our Soldiers for preserving our U.S. freedoms, and gratefully remember our past Soldiers for wresting those freedoms in the first place from other forces in our history. We should also think globally, and futuristically. We should thank our presently serving Heroes and our recent Veterans for their service to our earth - for carrying a wounded child out of harm’s way in a country whose religion, culture, etc., we hate. These Heroes know that this child may grow up into that hateful society, may even grow up to kill the son or daughter of that Hero. And yet, they do it. They serve. Perhaps it gags them (not the wounded child itself), but they serve.

If we allow the comfortably collective selfishness to rule our country, and cause us to only fight battles that directly affect us –

(Example of collective/national selfishness – read my sarcasm and do not think this is MY way of thinking.) To heck with those millions of Jews in Germany, for example. What were they to us personally? Especially once Hitler had stripped them of their wealth (power), their collective intelligence (He killed all the scientists, professors, etc. first.), their physical health, and their psychological health – who were these pitiful folks to us then? What could they do for us? Moving onward in this thought, what were the odds that Hitler’s regime could gather enough force to overthrow US? I mean, Puh-lease.

Should we have let them continue dying? Should we have “minded our own business” about them and about the weaker residents of the small countries Hitler overcame? Some say yes.

Some still say “yes” about minding our own business on earth now. I do understand that it probably sticks in their craw to have their money/taxes taken from them to fight in a far off country they hate. And galls them even more to have lost a loved one, or to have to endure the continued disability of a loved one who served in said hated country. I do understand. And I further understand that the odds of the present USA really NEEDING help from any other country to defend us from being overtaken are so slim.

We therefore are in the rotten position to morally have to help the weak, and without much chance of them ever being able to repay us or help us in the foreseeable future. Perhaps we should have “Sucks to be American” bumper stickers. LOL

Finishing up (Yes, I can hear you cheering.):

  1. Remember and be grateful to our fallen Soldier Heroes on this un-happy Memorial Day. They deserve their OWN entire day. And thank their families also. They gave their utmost.

  2. On Veterans Day, and every time you see such a Hero, thank them earnestly for their gift to us and to our earth residents.

  3. Since we regrettably don’t have an official day for honoring MIAs and POWs (perhaps dead, perhaps being tortured till death released them), remember and be grateful to them on both Memorial Day and Veterans Day. They are either fallen Heroes or still serving us by being prevented from ever ending their service and coming home to loved ones. Thank their families also. Do actual things to help them if possible, not just a handshake or two easy words.

  4. Also regrettable is that we don’t have an official day to honor our present Soldiers. These dear Heroes are not Vets, nor fallen Soldiers. They have neither of our two holidays. Hmmm…what should we do then? Well, that handshake when meeting them, and those two words (Thank You) are something – but too little. You owe them that, 365 days a year, whenever you meet them. (You owe 365 to Veterans and their families also.) But too little.

Come on folks (and I’m going to work on this right now, and with energy)…how comfortable are our lives? (And I DARE you to trade your situation for mine.) How many hours do we have outside of work each day – how many TV hours? Come on – during even a COMMERCIAL, couldn’t you write a letter to a Soldier, or call his/her family? Give up a commercial ! Those of you with physical strength – serve your country also! Serve in an unofficial capacity by mowing the lawn of the wife of a Soldier – your lawnmower is out already for your own lawn – walk down three houses and SERVE. Offer to clean a house or garage for a military family – SERVE. Less physical strength to give? Offer to babysit, offer to mentor a child, SERVE. Enough money to be “comfortable” in America? Give up the price of some cappuccino, fancy high heels, etc., and SERVE – directly serve the families – any family in your circle or neighborhood. Find a way to serve behind their backs or anonymously if their stubborn pride refuses you to your face. Are you using the excuse that you don’t know any Soldiers or their families? FIND one. All of you, all have SOME time – in a week, in a month. All of you have some energy or some gift or ability in some capacity – even over-worked, disabled or money-poor. SERVE your country, you lazy, selfish Americans (and me). Serve here at home.

Frankly, I'll BET that the Soldier whose hand you shake today or next week would much rather you provided actual practical help to his wife, her kids, their suffering family and their mother (the mother of the Soldier). Heartfelt Words are nice, and are our responsibility to give, 365 days, whenever you meet a Soldier Veteran. But expand that old philosophy, “Put your money were your mouth is.”

Put your time, energy, gifts/abilities where your mouth is.  
Get out there and SERVE.

You may go back to your hot dog and potato salad now.....

The C String - Some Thoughts from a Lady

The C String - Some Thoughts from a Lady

In a game chat room, the subject had wandered from here to there, and stopped at exotic dancers and foreign (Romanian) currency.  Then one saucy friend challenged us with, "Maybe he could wear a C string !  Google that if you haven't heard of it"

OK, I'm intrigued now.  I didn't  Google it yesterday, because I assumed it must be a kind of G-string made of $100 bills.  Made sense in that context, right?  We had been talking about an Exotic Dancer, and currency.  I'm off to Google it now.  

Ohhhhhhhh Myyyyyyyyy !  Horrified Blushing !    I had been worrying that my penchant to learn and talk about most any subject had demoted me from being a Lady.  Apparently not so.  I was speechless.

I was so horrified that I couldn't even make any comeback and went off to bed, fitfully falling asleep to a cassette tape of Traditional HYMN music.  (I exaggerate.  It was a CD, and the hymns were the start of my day this morning.)  
But no...... Couldn't get away with that.  My previous sins (meaning, saucy sense of humor) followed me and  my gaming friends first taunted me, then directly called me out with a Tag !

KN: lol cant wait to see your reply....
JW: She sure is taking a long time to get back.....lol
AGN: she had to type what she thinks..
KN: we must be getting a novel or she cant handel the thought of wearing a c string lmao
JW:  GLYNIS SYLVIA....... did you google it yet???
KN: maybe we are stressing her with expectations of a witty post???


My responses:

Glynis Sylvia:  KN was the closest.  But actually, the problem was, I can't get it OFFFFF !!   HELP !!  Heck, once I fully stood up, I couldn't even FIND it !


The Purpose of Underwear: To keep your icky bits off of your clothes, and if your skirt is short enough, to keep your icky bits off MY furniture.

Anatomy:  IP - (Icky Potential) increases proportionately from front to back.

Grooming Styles of the Times:  You forcibly ripped off anything objectionable about your Front Garden.

Conclusion:  This teeny excuse for undies should be worn BACKWARDS.  Seriously.  If you're not a subterranean gardener, and I happen to find a stray curly on my carpet, I'll pretend it's from the kitty (the other one).  But unless you're wearing that Cstring backwards, get off of my couch !  Or here......  (unfurls 23 yards of cotton knit)...Borrow one of my sexier undies.  This one has little flowers across the great white expanse.  I save the prints to wear when I'm feeling naughty.


Glynis Sylvia:  The article mentioned "headband", and that's what I thought of when I saw it.  Now headbands, amongst my set of odd friends, equals a really cool new fashion in Balloonwear.  You have no idea how hot a big, woven rubber balloon hat can get after 4 hours of twisting in the hot sun.  And the weird 2-inch sweat-ring around your hair is hard to explain when you stop to do errands after the gig.  So some smart person finally came up with attaching balloon animals to a simple headband!  Like this one:  http://www.balloonhq.com/photos/db/complete.php?id=81902&pics=67&page=2&pos=32&catmapid=0

We all smacked ourselves and thought, "We've put men on the moon decades before anyone came up with this easy fix !"  (Perhaps it's a good thing that NASA isn't really run by Clown people.)

So that's what that Cstring looks like to me.  A headband.


In today's hard-hit economic times, and with Michigan having the highest unemployment in the country, folks are searching for alternative ways to make a living.  Hmmmmm..... Maybe I could combine a career as a balloon twister, and revamp all those wasted years of ballet and tap lessons my mother paid for...... and dress up the Cstring with balloons and "dance" !  All that rubber might help with traction on those slippery poles !

And on my days off, it can double as a hands free cell phone holder !  I mean, when used on my head, of course.  Not "down there".  *Thinking........ or maybe wear two !  One to store the phone uh... there, and to enjoy the um.... silent mode, shall we say.  Now, if I could just train all my friends to call me multiple times before they expect me to answer it.....


But those Cstrings must surely be outlawed in Yoga classes, right?  One of those Pretzel moves and you'll know the origin of the phrase, "Tore me a new one!"  Or, "That stuckup chick walks around like she's got a Cstring stuck up her....."


I can, however, see them used as Incentive Prizes in group WeightWatcher classes.  Finally, after months of starvation and sweating, they proudly hand you your Lifetime Membership Card, and a sexy Cstring.  (First off, let's comment on that Lifetime Membership.  Isn't that the ultimate backhanded compliment?  "You made it!  We're so proud of you!  But we're secretly sure you'll need us again...and again, so here's a lifetime discount for when you fail."  Uh.... thanks?)  WeightWatchers teaches not looking at the scale.  So that's why they hand you the Cstring.  Every other month, you are to put the thing on.  (And weekly during the holiday month of December.)  If you can't find it in the mirror, (or even with your hands) you have to come back in to WW.  If it falls to the floor, look in the tiny envelope that it came in - there's a business card referring you to Anorexics-R-Us.

Quirks vs. Foibles – A short tale of paint, religion, and kitchen items.


A friend of mine posted on FB:   “I feel more officially moved now.  We have painted 1/2 of two rooms, unpacked some mugs, and had a visit from Jehovah's Witnesses.”


First I got stuck on the math of it.  Who does that?   How quirky – “painted Half of Two rooms”
Uh..... The left halves, the bottom halves?  Left half of Room A and bottom of Room B?  
But then I got to her punchline - “and had a visit from Jehovah's Witnesses.” Hahahhaa !


Here were some of the responders' comments:

>We had a lovely conversation about the Messiah.  I'm not sure they knew what to do with "she's not here yet." :)

> You officially own a house once they visit!

> Wait, it's never really complete until Amway shows up.
(My response to that was, “
Amway:  Door to door proselytizers that even Jehovah's Witnesses hate !”)


But the best response was:When Linda was in college, a guy in the apartment at the end of her hall, took care of JW calls.  He answered his door in the nude with a colander on his head.  They never returned.




Oh, we have quit quirks and are far into foibles now !


The creepy thing is, how did Colander Man know they were JWs and that they were coming that day/hour?


Is he the paranoid type:  Does he look out the window for hours to spot them coming and rip off his clothes and run to the cabinet under the sink for the colander?


Is he the calculating type:  Does he have a spreadsheet clocking their scheduled arrivals and likelihood of them showing up - so that every third Tuesday from 4:30 to 8PM is "Nakey Time"?


Or is he the proactive type:  Does he have a separate set of clothes for staying home - clothes with just velcro that he can Rrrrrip off at a moment's notice, and the colander is hanging beside the door?


Or perhaps Linda was giving Colander Man too much credit.  Perhaps he's not the superhero who banishes annoying Jehovah Witnesses and solicitors after all.  Perhaps Nakey Time is every evening and even in between classes.  Perhaps he's also just a bit vain and thinks that before he opens the door, he should doll it up a bit and accessorize with kitchen equipment.  Or perhaps he's a little self-conscious (hard to avoid as a nudist) and thinks wearing a sieve will distract callers from his um..... inadequacies elsewhere.

Good Friday - The Happiest Holiday !

Good Friday - The Happiest Holiday !

I used to think of Good Friday as the saddest, soberest, most depressing holiday.  
(Second only to Valentine's Day when divorced, fat, and middle-aged, of course, haha.)
 Until today (Good Friday, 2012), when my brilliant son, Petey, put a new spin on it.  
That boy really has his head on straight sometimes.  
He said that Good Friday is so much happier than Easter !  Uh, what?  In fact, from one point of view, Easter (meaning, the resurrection of Christ, Him coming alive from the dead again) wasn't even necessary !  Took me a few seconds, but then I realized he was SO RIGHT !
If you're a Christian, then you believe the following tenets:  These verses are sometimes called (amongst Protestant circles anyway) "The Romans Road".
1. Romans 3:23  "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
Romans 6:23a  "...The wages of sin is death..."
Since the penalty for sin is death, and no man is sinless, then we would all die - unless someone else could pay that penalty for us !  And that Someone had to be sinless.
3. Romans 6:23b  "...But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Romans 5:8,  "God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!"

Back to Petey:  From MAN's viewpoint, from MY viewpoint, then the most important part was Christ DYING.  THAT paid the penalty for my sin, and I was set free from death, from eternity in hell.  No weeping or gnashing of teeth for me !  Whoo Hoo !  Looking at it this way, Christ rising from the dead was really just gravy, so to speak.  Of course, that proved Him to not be a liar, since He promised that He would come alive again, and in 3 days.  But the biggest part - from Man's point of view, was not Him proving Himself, but His paying the price for my sin !
I never really thought of it that way.  I used to think of it as more of a necessary evil sort of thing, to get to Easter - to get to the happy hymns on Easter Sunday.

The Talking Twin Babies, Translated


(Tagging James Vigeant, Ashley Septer, Peter Vigeant)
See, Ashley? I TOLD you when you have two kids that they get up earlier than you do, and have secret planning meetings to turn your day into a maelstrom of little emergencies.

Scene------- Pre-dawn, a little, half-built house in rural New Hampshire, circa 1989.

Petey (AKA, The Mastermind):    OK, little brother, you start off with the dirty diaper.  While Mom is busy gagging, I'll run off to the pots and pans cupboard and start the day's Jam Session.  A few good lids for cymbals should get her daily headache started right on schedule (OUR schedule, bwah ha ha).  Then, while she's running to check on me, that I don't have the knife drawer open (again) to bang on the pans, you flip like a fish off the changing table.  Remember how I showed you how to loosen the strap?  Aim for a broken leg.  That really knocks 'em for a loop.

Baby James (AKA, Mom's Cuddlybug):   GWPOFAGH; SNKGLFRITZ !
Petey:    I see we have to hit those ESL language tapes again.  Sigh....I assume you were objecting to the broken leg part, right?  Naw, not nearly as bad as you think.  Heck, I've had one each.  And Mom gets a set of cool fiberglass Christmas tree ornaments from the casts.   Moving on....

While you're howling over the snapped femur (such a baby, you are), I'll do that cool toilet paper trailing thing all over the house again.  They love that.  Besides, the cool "Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Shhhhh" sound across the hardwood floors really entertains the cat.

As she's winding up the endless paper again, and winding up yet another one of those endless lectures, you sneak back to the kitchen.  I left the fridge door just a little ajar for you.  Anything you want to do in there is fine.  (Personally, climbing in, and shutting the door would be MY suggestion.  'Twould fix my "annoying little brother problem" once and for all.  Then I could move on to my improved secret plan for preventing future brothers.  Man!  You slip up just ONCE and sleep through the night and see what it gets you?  I will NEVER do that again !)


blue, Swan, water

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